Last week, I attended the wedding of two dear friends. I sat at a table, during the reception, next to a woman I had never met before, and over the 3 or so hours, I fed my 10 month old baby a bottle while she breastfed her child, who she said was almost 3. 

Yes, for the record, I'll be forthcoming about that situation and admit that, while I breastfed all of my babies (except for Teague due to a serious illness I battled just after his birth) for 4-5 months, and I'm not opposed to moms breastfeeding longer than that, but I, personally feel that when we start teaching our children about modesty, covering our private parts, that no one is allowed to touch them in inappropriate places and that, generally speaking, breasts are actually one of those places that no one should touch a person without consent, it is time to stop breastfeeding. Especially since, at the point a child is about to enter Kindergarten, breastmilk is not needed AT ALL to sustain the child's life. Anyway, that's not the point.

For the most part, I believe very deeply that there are thousands of correct ways to raise a child to be a successful, happy, healthy adult. Some of them aren't going to work for me, and some are going to be great. Unless someone is physically or very obviously emotionally abusing a child and causing harm, I never judge because I just don't know anything about what's going on. A mom or dad in the store chewing out their six year old doesn't mean they're a bad parent. Likely, it means that YOU didn't SEE the kid open the bag of flour and pour it all over the floor just before he threw a fit because he wanted a box of sour patch kids. 

So, instead of judging her actions, I simply tried to engage her in other conversation that didn't steer toward breast feeding or anything controversial. (Yes, I tackle all kinds of controversial subjects here, but in real life, I really don't like confrontation. Passive aggressiveness rules supreme.) But she would have none of it.

You know, I have friends who find random people spilling their entire life stories to them and asking for advice. I suppose it's because they seem trustworthy and people just want someone to listen. I swear, though,  there's just something about me that screams out to people: "PLEASE say something really rude! I REALLY want to debate the validity of your opinion and the probability that I am completely screwing up my kids! I simply MUST hear your most fanatic and radical opinions!" I must have a neon sign across my forehead. 

As I shook up a bottle of formula for my 10 month old boy, this woman, while her almost 3 year old was buried to her waist under her mother's shirt, singing away between "bites" the mother rolled her eyes and threw her head back and asked me "Are you going to take that bottle away from him after he turns one? I HATE it when I see kids older than that sucking on a bottle. It's just inappropriate for their age."

There was a rather long, dramatic pause as I blinked at her preschooler who looked rather like this under her shirt: 

"Oh, yes, of course." I mumbled as she continued to talk about how disgusting it is for a child to rely on a bottle for nourishment and that it's laziness on the part of the parent who should be teaching her child PROPER nutrition. 

I just listened and probably smirked a bit, wondering if she was even slightly aware of her hypocrisy.  

The shocking part is, with all my time spent on birth forums, this is not the first time I've seen an extended breastfeeding mother rant and rave about bottles. 

If a breastfeeding mother's rights are challenged- be that for her desire to nurse in public, or beyond the age of 10, or even because someone admits that they don't care for the act, she will organize a vast  group of her breastfeeding friends for a "sit in" where they will let their boobs hang low and bare so as to protest the "wrong feelings" and "raise awareness". They want to be allowed to breast feed their babies as long as they can, but they all have very VERY strong opinions when it comes to how soon a baby should be separated from his bottle or pacifier or "lovey". And I just don't understand this. 

Of course, the most obvious answer is that breastfeeding is "natural." I'm sorry, I don't buy this. I mean, yeah, it comes out of your body. But formula, from a bottle, serves the same purpose for the baby's first year of life. If a parent so desired to continue giving their child a bottle of formula until they are 2 (extended bottle feeding), HOW, I ask, HOW is that any different AT ALL from a parent who decides to breastfeed until the child is 2 (extended breast feeding)? 

The way I think is this: I don't care what you do with your child, as long as he or she is well fed, properly clothed and treated well. There are SO MANY possible choices parents can make and most of them are "right" for someone. But use the brain in your head- realize that some choices are right for you and some are right for others, we're not all the same, and your way is wrong for others. Don't be a hypocrite and argue the wrongness of a choice when you are doing something very similar in a different area of your parenting. 

*FTR, all of my children have given up their bottles by the time they were a year old. I'm not a supporter of bottles beyond the age on one, I DO feel it is inappropriate, but then, if I WERE a breastfeeding mother for that long, I would not breastfeed beyond a year either, as I don't feel THAT is nutritionally appropriate either. All that being said, I would never say something to any mother that I saw doing either of those things. Because it's none of my business. I have my opinions. But they're MINE, and don't belong heaped upon anyone else. 

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